Note: Please don't jump to the bottom, but read straight through... for a Very Special Bonus from the Queen of Sparkle!
Two Thursdays ago, July 25, marked the fourth anniversary of Kara's narrow 2nd-place finish in the U.S Air Guitar 2020 Online Championships. That year was the only one during the pandemic that saw the national championship hosted in an exclusively virtual environment. On the big night, hundreds of viewers watched the livestream as judges evaluated first-round video entries submitted by the competitors in advance. Kara's mashup of Molly Shannon's Superstar character and Rob Zombie's song "Dead Girl Superstar" pushed her to the top of the contenders list by the halftime. Unfortunately, the second round switched to live entries recorded by either the competitors or their helpers.
Before the second half, Kara asked me to film her with her iPad. This set me into a panic, as I had no experience filming with a tablet, let alone using an app with which I was completely unfamiliar. After some debate over which way I should face the screen, we decided to position the device the way one would shoot with a phone. Looking back, you may wonder why we did not ask for a test shot. But Kara's mind was on performing and mine was on viewers getting restless, so finally, with a silent prayer, I hit "Record..." and watched her blast through an edited cover of "House of the Rising Sun" with the most kinetic set of metal moves I had ever seen from her. It started with a watermelon dropping from between her thighs and only got wilder from there. By the end of the performance, I was ecstatic.
But then we learned that only my face had been seen on the livestream. It was decided that Kara would be given a short rest to prepare for a second attempt at capturing her interpretation of the cover of the Animals' song. Again, as the last note trailed off, I was wowed by what she had come up with. Although she had used up her only watermelon in the first attempt, she had whipped up some red streamers in its place that added drama to her miniature rock concert. Just as importantly, I had recorded her performance so that the judges could assign a number to what they had witnessed. Or so I thought, until it was revealed that our WiFi had dropped about twenty seconds into the act, unbeknownst to us.
Once again, Kara was asked to take a short rest and give a third attempt at making a live, Cribs-style rock video of "House of the Rising Sun." This time, neither the cameraman nor the whim of WiFi stopped her from delivering a presentation that could be officially judged. Although the resulting scores were solid, they dropped her from first place into a two-way tie. Out of consideration for her health, the organizers asked Kara if she were willing and able to go into a tiebreaker. Not wanting to disappoint them or the hundreds of viewers, she agreed to perform for a fourth time. In the half-light of dusk, she spun and kicked through an edit of Skid Row's "Youth Gone Wild," exhausted from three consecutive 60-second sprints. Even harder for me to watch, though, was the look on her face as the song began to fade. She knew the championship crown had slipped from her grasp.
Sure enough, when the final scores were tallied, Kara Picante emerged in second place by a tenth of a point--her third loss by as much for the third year in a row.
Looking back four years later, I can see how that day reflected the struggles the entire world was going through during that period. Never mind that air guitar is a tongue-in-cheek sport, it takes a lot of work to produce and the pandemic forced the community to find a way to continue its traditions in unpredictable territory. As for me, I was struggling with abdominal pains and Kara was processing the loss of her little brother, who, three weeks earlier, showed up at our door during a psychotic break and died the following day in another town. No doubt, the Year the World Shut Down was a shit show of spectacular proportions. Or, to quote an unknown source: "2020 is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane."
As a footnote to the 2020 Online Championships, no American virtual competition has been held with live rounds ever since a 50-year-old, incurably ill cancer patient powered through four air guitar performances while going through chemo treatment. For context, in fourteen years of watching air guitar, I've personally seen just two people repeat a second round and then only once (though still twice the work of other competitors), and a handful of finalists give four total performances with equal rest periods because of back-to-back tiebreakers.
As a second footnote, I very promptly contacted our Internet service provider to improve our connection. What the fuck, WiFi?
If you're wondering, I didn't bring this up to criticize the making of that event. On the contrary, from my vantage point now, I can see how the outcome challenged us all in a world that was forcing us to evolve in every endeavor, including fanciful pastimes like competitive air guitar. And although Kara happened to fall on the losing end of circumstances that day, she triggered the removal of live performances and air-offs--the type of tiebreaker that is normally used--from virtual competitions. Had she not taken the lead in the first half, married a technophobe, and had shitty WiFi, the problems of live second rounds might have surfaced down the line for someone else. For her, too, what was essentially a negative synchronicity forced her to confront her desire to entertain in non-competitive outlets. Not only that, but to keep stretching air guitar as an art form in fun and exciting ways, regardless of the 60-second format.
As her totally unbiased husband (wink, wink), I would argue this is what distinguishes Kara among other creative, hard-to-judge competitors both past and present: Her determination to change how people think about air guitar. But I will hand that idea over to someone else who can articulate it far better than I can. First though, I have thrilling news to announce!
On Saturday, July 20, at the 2024 U.S. Air Guitar National Championships in Cleveland, Ohio, the organization presented its first Picante Sparkling Unicorn Warrior Award for the Most Excellent Creative Expression of the Year! The very idea of this award and what it represents has me literally (pun intended) walking on air. Its creation was announced exactly six months earlier at the Sparkle Celebration. To be given annually, it honors the air guitarist who best embodies Kara's indomitable creative spirit. As an air guitar "stage mom" who osmosed some of that spirit from the day it first manifested in a bar in 2010, I was invited to participate in the selection process. And boy, did poring over the nominees make me sweat! But as the minutes drew closer to award time, I talked to Kara, listened to my heart, and submitted my personal pick. Congratulations to L'Orange Julius, aka Luke Sevcik! Luke and Kara first competed together in the 2012 U,S. Air Guitar National Championships in Denver, Colorado.
Never before has an ongoing championship award been given in a separate category in U.S. Air Guitar's 22-year history. In a Facebook post after that weekend, here is what Luke had to say about it:
"And I owe my whole attitude turnaround to receiving... in my opinion the most prestigious award we have. This is Kara's legacy in our community. The organizer that pushed ideas, pushed her performances, and most importantly pushed us all through an enormously positive outlook no matter the adversity. The Sparkling Unicorn Warrior Award is the champion of the craft, the love for the art and the drive to make this sport the best it can be. That is what Kara wanted. That is what I needed."
Photo by Simmons Tobias
And now... for the Very Special Bonus!
Last fall, I was talking with a friend of ours who lives down the street. Along with one other friend, she had stopped by our house to watch Kara compete in the 2020 online championship. As we reminisced about the experience, she mentioned having video of my wife performing that night. Seeing as Kara and I had never heard about any surviving videos of her from the event, I felt a lump form in my throat. "Do you think... do you think you could send me what you've got?" I managed to get out. A few weeks later, she texted me everything she had filmed with her phone during the competition. Thank you, Kara's neighbor-friend and soul sister!
In the wake of the first Picante Sparkling Unicorn Warrior Award presentation, this seems the perfect time and place to share the long-lost videos. Although the angle can't convey Kara's intended viewing experience, together the recordings show the creative effort she put forth on that windy July night. The first video captures her third second-round performance and the second captures the tiebreaker round. Not the never-before-seen footage I had anticipated, but still a close second... which, I think she would agree, is ironically apt. Unfortunately, the first two performances, when she was freshest, will live on only in my mind.
If interested, I ask you to watch these videos not with judgment, but appreciation of the competitor's vision, imagination, and ability to push through adversity. And now... let us welcome to the stage... Ms. Kara Picante... the ORIGINAL SPARKLING UNICORN WARRIOR!
Video courtesy of Nicole Sevcik
Congratulations, Kara, you are the inaugural, 2023 winner of U.S. Air Guitar's Picante Sparkling Unicorn Warrior Award for the Most Excellent Creative Expression of the Year.
Sparkle on, spicy lady.
Until next time.
--Charles Austin Muir
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